Canadian federal politics are boring. You know it. We know it. But you have to find out who won, right? Well, the people that brought you the Sarah Palin-to-English Translator, Russian Federal "Election" Bingo and Where in the World is Walter Mondale? are back with a way to make enduring TV coverage of the federal election fun- a drinking game! Simply drink when a phrase is used or a person appears and you can be a winner, just like the Non-Partisan League! [Editor's Note: The Gauntlet does not endorse the Non-Partisan League. We're very partisan. Go Revolutionary Worker's Social Credit League of Western Canada!]
Take one drink when...
• The economy (and its fundamentals) are mentioned.
• The environment or the Green Party are discussed.
• A Conservative Party spokesperson discusses the election.
• A Liberal Party spokesperson discusses the election.
• An MP (or candidate) from a party other than the Liberals or Conservatives discusses the election.
• Pundits discuss "the role of Quebec" in the election.
• "National Energy Program."
• A shot of a party's campaign headquarters features an empty podium and the phrase "We'll hear from (name) any minute now . . ." is used.
• Somebody mentions the Conservative Party and "western alienation."
• The winner is declared 15 minutes into the coverage.
• A friendly debate turns into an argument between pundits.
• Someone comments on the quality of the maps during election coverage.
• A sports metaphor is used to describe a party's chances in the election.
Take two drinks when...
• A commentator pronounces Stephane Dion's name incorrectly.
• "Recession" is mentioned more than five times.
• Arctic sovereignty or territory ridings are discussed.
• "Alternative energy."
• Specific references are made to Bloc Quebecois policies other than Quebec sovereignty.
• "Sovereignty association."
• A joke is made about Stephen Harper's campaign tendency to wear sweaters.
• A Conservative or Liberal Party MP (or MP candidate) appears on camera that is NOT the party leader.
• A party leader appears before the winner is declared.
Take three drinks when...
• Stephen Harper hugs someone. Finish your drink if it's not his wife or one of his children.
• A commentator ignores a question to begin discussing either Barack Obama or Sarah Palin.
• A commentator compares Sarah Palin to Kim Campbell.
• A commentator compares Stephen Harper to Brian Mulroney.
• A commentator compares Stephane Dion to Pierre Trudeau.
• A commentator ignores a question to plug the upcoming hockey game.
• "I've Got a Crush on Harper" video discussed or shown.
• A commentator begins vetting potential Liberal Party leadership candidates immediately after a Stephane Dion speech.
• The Green Party wins a seat.
• Sidney Crosby is mentioned while Nova Scotia is being discussed.
Finish your drink when...
• A commentator compares Stephen Harper to Ben Mulroney.
• A commentator compares Stephane Dion to Justin Trudeau.
• A commentator ignores a question to plug the upcoming hockey game on a network other than CBC.
• The Green Party wins more than two seats.
• The Bloc wins enough seats to form the opposition.
• Jack Layton shaves off his moustache.
• Stephen Harper channels Ronald Reagan, declaring it "Morning again in Canada."
• Sidney Crosby is mentioned not in reference to Nova Scotia, but in an attempt to hold the audience's attention.