Academic Probation
Desiree Geib/the Gauntlet

The 40th Federal Election Drinking Game

Publication YearIssue Date 

Canadian federal politics are boring. You know it. We know it. But you have to find out who won, right? Well, the people that brought you the Sarah Palin-to-English Translator, Russian Federal "Election" Bingo and Where in the World is Walter Mondale? are back with a way to make enduring TV coverage of the federal election fun- a drinking game! Simply drink when a phrase is used or a person appears and you can be a winner, just like the Non-Partisan League! [Editor's Note: The Gauntlet does not endorse the Non-Partisan League. We're very partisan. Go Revolutionary Worker's Social Credit League of Western Canada!]

Take one drink when...
• The economy (and its fundamentals) are mentioned.

• The environment or the Green Party are discussed.

• A Conservative Party spokesperson discusses the election.

• A Liberal Party spokesperson discusses the election.

• An MP (or candidate) from a party other than the Liberals or Conservatives discusses the election.

• Pundits discuss "the role of Quebec" in the election.

• "National Energy Program."

• A shot of a party's campaign headquarters features an empty podium and the phrase "We'll hear from (name) any minute now . . ." is used.

• Somebody mentions the Conservative Party and "western alienation."

• The winner is declared 15 minutes into the coverage.

• A friendly debate turns into an argument between pundits.

• Someone comments on the quality of the maps during election coverage.

• A sports metaphor is used to describe a party's chances in the election.

Take two drinks when...
• A commentator pronounces Stephane Dion's name incorrectly.

• "Recession" is mentioned more than five times.

• Arctic sovereignty or territory ridings are discussed.

• "Alternative energy."

• Specific references are made to Bloc Quebecois policies other than Quebec sovereignty.

• "Sovereignty association."

• A joke is made about Stephen Harper's campaign tendency to wear sweaters.

• A Conservative or Liberal Party MP (or MP candidate) appears on camera that is NOT the party leader.

• A party leader appears before the winner is declared.

Take three drinks when...
• Stephen Harper hugs someone. Finish your drink if it's not his wife or one of his children.

• A commentator ignores a question to begin discussing either Barack Obama or Sarah Palin.

• A commentator compares Sarah Palin to Kim Campbell.

• A commentator compares Stephen Harper to Brian Mulroney.

• A commentator compares Stephane Dion to Pierre Trudeau.

• A commentator ignores a question to plug the upcoming hockey game.

• "I've Got a Crush on Harper" video discussed or shown.

• A commentator begins vetting potential Liberal Party leadership candidates immediately after a Stephane Dion speech.

• The Green Party wins a seat.

• Sidney Crosby is mentioned while Nova Scotia is being discussed.

Finish your drink when...
• A commentator compares Stephen Harper to Ben Mulroney.

• A commentator compares Stephane Dion to Justin Trudeau.

• A commentator ignores a question to plug the upcoming hockey game on a network other than CBC.

• The Green Party wins more than two seats.

• The Bloc wins enough seats to form the opposition.

• Jack Layton shaves off his moustache.

• Stephen Harper channels Ronald Reagan, declaring it "Morning again in Canada."

• Sidney Crosby is mentioned not in reference to Nova Scotia, but in an attempt to hold the audience's attention.