Academic Probation

Dalai Lamaís tour rider goes to eleven

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Preparations are being finalized for the arrival of his holiness The Dalai Lama in Calgary for a once in a lifetime engagement at the Saddledome Sept. 30 – Oct. 1.

While many snotty rock stars and twitty pop acts have played the 'Dome and requested outlandish, over-the-top items on their tour rider, none come close to that of the Lama. Our investigative journalists recently intercepted a fax containing the Lama's request. Our favourites are as follows:

1- Free Tibet

1- leather mask with ball gag

1- adult diaper

4- 40 ounce Big Bear beers

1- suckling hog's head from T&T Supermarket

2- buckets of Chicken on the Way chicken

1,000- Brown M&Ms

1- carton of Lucky Strikes

6- bottles of water chilled to exactly 5.3 degrees

1- assorted meat plate with bread that is big enough to hold the meat. The Lama doesn't want to have to fold the bread because it will only be half size.

2- pans of oven fresh brownies, size 41/2- men's

2- issues of Penthouse Forum

1- bottle of Jergins

1- box of Kleenex

5- minutes of zen

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