So it's 10 p.m. on Friday night, you find yourself sequestered in Cascade Hall with a group of friends figuring out what to do with the evening. Being a university student, your obvious answer is to get slopping drunk. But wait, it's not that easy. You're a rez kid, so you don't have any clean clothes, so scratch any trendy clubs off your list. More importantly, you're incredibly lazy and therefore you can't even fathom the amount of effort it would take to lug yourself to the pubs in Kensington or on 17 Ave. What in the name of Alexander Keith can you do?
Fortunately, your alcoholic urges will not have to be sublimated for something as unappealing as heartfelt conversation or sex. Oh no, the campus area offers a myriad of possibilities which can fulfill your desires to reach that pleasant stupor.
First of all there is the Den/Black Lounge combination but everyone already knows about that, and after a while it can become slightly old hat.
A little known fact is that the Den isn't the only licensed venue on campus. Legacy's in the Dining Centre offers four year old bottles of beer and coolers at inflated prices along with greasy delights. It may not be the classiest place in the world and it has less atmosphere than space but it is always a last resort for the desperate rezzie.
In addition to Legacy's, there is the Graduate Students Lounge which, as the name suggests, is reserved for grad students.
Venturing off campus, Kilkenny is a pleasant Irish pub at Brentwood Mall that inexplicably always plays poker on a few of its televisions. Moose McGuire's is a short walk from campus, on Uxbridge Dr. and 16th Ave., and is the place to be after Stamps games, if you can stand the peanut-shell covered floors and occasional aggressive glances from their sports-crazy clientele. Just beyond Moose's you'll stumble upon Calgary's strip of hotels and chain restaurants on 16 Ave. including Boston Pizza and Denny's.
If you'd prefer just hitting up a liquor store and getting smashed in the comfort of your home before heading out to see how many signs you can steal before campus security catches on, you've also got a few different stores to choose from. Conveniently about 20 seconds away from Kilkenny is the Liquor Depot. It offers a pretty extensive selection of all the liquid candy you'll need for any given night but has the annoying habit of closing well before most festivities have cooled off. Perhaps the best named store in Calgary, Liquor Box, is straight east of McMahon Stadium and, though small, should leave you satisfied. Finally the Liquor Barn is located in the parking lot of Market Mall and is a short walk down 32 Ave. Possibly the furthest away, The Liquor Barn is the largest of the three stores discussed and offers the best selection.
Well, there you have it. A concise guide of all the locations you need to know in and around campus that lend you ample opportunities to engage in all sorts of debauchery. So put down the paper for Jack Daniel's sake and start with the merrymaking. University is one of the only times in your life where you can drink on any day of the week without feeling guilty. Hop to it, responsibly of course.