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Election platform? Effective campaign? Who needs them?

Dum dum dum dum dum

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Winning a Students' Union election, regardless of the position you are vying for, is relatively easy--about as easy as you'd expect for a job that pays nearly $25,000, placing you near the top of a $10 million organization. Employing a few seemingly effortless techniques, you too can become an elected official on the SU executive.

1. No experience, no knowledge
Experience will be of no use to you in office, nor will a rudimentary grasp of the duties of the position you're applying for. Words like "academic," "external" and "portfolio" are catch phrases and don't mean much anyway, so pay them little mind. Diving in blind and headfirst is awful when you're swimming, but brilliant when it comes to the SU.

Having no experience ensures you a fresh start, and will no doubt provide some exciting surprises and realizations along the way--whether those be your duties the systemic constraints under which you must work, or that the SU actually has a team of permanent paid staff. "Eureka!" you'll exclaim, time and time again. This keeps it interesting.

No knowledge? No experience? No problem.

2. Those pesky issues
Understanding issues is a redundant task and should never concern a good student politician. The only thing worse than keeping up on the problems and opportunities that will occupy your time, is developing ideas on how to address them. So-called "issues," like new government legislation altering the role of students' unions, the current status of our lobby groups, work of the current SU, the relationship between the SU and the media, and academic access are secondary at best. Do yourself a favour and avoid newspapers and television, as they sometimes delve into post-secondary education.

The Calgary Herald, from what I hear, even has an education reporter. Weird.

3. Forget the platform
Don't have a platform or any concrete plans. Everyone has ideas these days, but you can be different. Set yourself apart and run on vague rhetoric and broad generalizations. Even better, let silence be your weapon.

Don't submit a platform to the Students' Union, to your fearless leader or use the space to trash a student organization. This technique should never be ruled out as an effective tool to reach students.

4. Puns
Puns and cliches are the cornerstone of any good campaign. For example, if I were running, I could say "let's stop playing James with administration!" In this case, "James" was used instead of "games," which is very clever

5. Gimmicks
Nothing wins an election like a good gimmick, and if I know anything about politics it's that students love gimmicks, especially at their expense. But why stop at t-shirts or buses or donating your salary? Bring lions and tigers to campus, repel from the MacEwan Student Incompletoplex with a monkey on your back or sit suspended in a David Blaine-style glass box for two weeks above the Den patio.

If you still need ideas, watch Saved by the Bell. The resources are endless, and no idea is too crazy or too stupid. Best of all, gimmicks divert attention should you follow the third point above.

These are just a few of many techniques you should think about when running for the SU. Thankfully, we're off to a roaring start, with many candidates adopting these ideals of neo-ridiculous student politics. The day after this guide is published, the election will be over and we will have winners. We can only hope and pray they are candidates like those described above.

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Comments

Keller you are a social retard! You don not have one ounce of a journalist with in you. Nor do you show any professionalism in the whole election period. You are simply socially retarded and perhaps mentally retarded. You sitr and bash Barski directly and indirectly but you would probally give your right and left testicle to be friends with him if he were not involved in this election.

some useful terms, from dictionary.com

journalist (jËšrn-lst)
n. One whose occupation is journalism.

within (wth-n, wth-)
(notice: it's one word [a common mispelling, see: all of Barski's Cabinet's platforms])
adv. In or into the inner part; inside.

illiteracy (-ltr--s)
n. pl. The condition of being unable to read and write.

troll (trl)
v.,n. To utter a posting on Usenet designed to attract predictable responses or flames; or, the post itself. Derives from the phrase
"trolling for newbies" which in turn comes from mainstream "trolling", a style of fishing in which one trails bait through a likely spot hoping for a bite.

coward (kourd)
n. One who shows ignoble fear in the face of danger or pain.

So do all Barski supporters have the personality (and academic skills) of an 11 year-old schoolyard bully, or is it just one person with a lot of time on their hands?

I think what he was trying to point out was that it is not a difficult task to run in the SU election. You do not have to be SMRT or be at all knowledgeable as to the world of University politics. If anyone has the intelligence to actually care about what has been going on in our school thus far, I'm fairly certain the current SU would have been slightly more productive. But what would I know? I'm just a girl.
P.S. I'll meet you any day at the bike racks after school.

Keller offers sound advice. If I had known where to get a lion or tiger from I assure you I would have brought one for one of my previous elections.

302girl#1:

You got the point of the article half right. It was supposed to be a not-so-subtle sarcastic shot at the people that do exactly what is listed here. It seems to be a growing trend, and this year was especially bad.

Why do people think you don't need ideas, research, plans or experience to run a $10 million organization? It boggles my mind that candidates ran in this election (and indeed in every election) who clearly don't understand the Students' Union, their portfolio, or in some cases anything at all.

Inexperience, a lack of qualifications, a limited understanding of the issues -- despite what some of the candidates will tell you, these aren't assets to run for office. They're incredible handicaps.