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Jen Grond/the Gauntlet

Exploring the many facets of porn

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Pornography is one of those things that many people enjoy, but are unwilling to talk about. It can be easier to get someone to fess up to the kinky things they did with that dirty random they picked up at the bar last night than the kinds of dirty films they enjoy. Perhaps this is because porn is something people tend to enjoy on their own, but it doesn't have to be that way. Everyone watches porn. If you say you don't, you are a dirty liar. Or very very conservative and boring. Porn has gotten a bad rap from several sources, which talk about the exploitation of women, sex addicts, violence, unsafe sexual practices and finally unrealistic body representations. While it is true that there is porn out there that can be incredibly offensive, not all erotic entertainment should be dismissed. After all, erotica is just porn that works for you. If you stumble across something that doesn't work for you, don't watch it. There is stuff out there that makes even your intrepid sex writers shudder, but there is plenty more out there that can entertain or titillate.

In August Newsweek declared "Porn parody of TV sitcoms is adult entertainment's 'New Gold Rush' " and porn parodies can be a great place to start your sexual adventures. Visit your local adult store and pick up a copy of Pirates or Pirates 2, then get a group of good friends together, grab some snacks and prepare to laugh. Just be careful when you pick out the movie, Pirates comes in both an R rated and XXX version and if you don't go for XXX you're selling yourself short.

The plot involves a bumbling pirate hunter racing against a nefarious pirate captain and getting laid all at the same time. There are several female pirates introduced, along with some of the greatest one-liners ever written. And they can do this thing with their tongues . . . and then there is the candle scene . . . You just need to see it. We learned that pirates can refer to each other as "bro" and that a blowjob is most efficient when the guy is grabbing onto the ceiling of a four post bed with his legs wrapped around the head and neck of the gracious giver. Besides the terrible acting and hilarious dialogue, Pirates offers a great laugh and fodder for scintillating conversation with all your friends.

Sticking to the lighter side of porn, you can also find XXX versions of hit TV shows, from Scrubs and The Office, to The Cosby Show and The Brady Bunch. These are advertised all over the internet, and The Office XXX porn parody was shown on Spike TV earlier this year. Just as awkward; a lot more nudity.

If you want to move on to more traditional web fare there are several websites available which allow you to try before you buy, so you can decide if they're to your taste before you drop your money on an expensive DVD.

We wish you happy exploring! Porn, believe it or not, is part of a healthy lifestyle along with fibre and a balanced breakfast. So while browsing your local Adult Source, pick up an intriguing title like The Pooncock Saints, Bangbi, Indiana Bones in the Temple of Poon, and the elusive Men in Black Men. But since Christmas is coming, you should also check out Miracle on 69th St. Give them a view, and give us a review! Fire us an email to let us know of your porn travels and help us rate and review these excellent gems of movie making at campuscoitus@hotmail.com.

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