Academic Probation

Get ur freak on

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There is an unprecedented chill in the air, leaves are beginning to fall, jackets are now a necessity to go outside and candy companies are churning out product like there's no tomorrow. What do all these have in common? That's right, Halloween is just around the corner. It's an annual festival of disguising oneself in order to receive small, cheaply made pieces of over-marketed crap, found uneaten six months later, just in time for Easter. So in honour of this yearly advertising-blitzkrieg, with some research in hand, here are some of this year's top Halloween costumes.

President Bush

You can never go wrong with presidential camouflage. Many of us wish that one day we could be one of the most arrogant people in the land. Luckily, most of us are Canadians and haven't a hope in hell of making it. However, if you do masquerade as the Commander-in-Chief, the normal rubber mask and cheap black suit won't cut it this year. Get into the presidential spirit and burn your high school diploma, along with your conscience. Evidence shows you obviously won't need either of these.

Stockwell Day

Another timeless costume, it works well for Trick-or-treat day since Day is not filled with dignity, respect or intelligence, and will generally scare small children and senior citizens. The manufacturer did have second thoughts about mass-producing "garbage," but they decided that if Disney can do it, then so can they. Nevertheless, if you do decide to be the Day for Halloween, I can guarantee you that you will receive a few smacks with rolled up newspapers. But take the abuse in stride, we all know "Stocky" did!

Army Commando

Fighting against terrorists, illegal aliens and basically anyone who tries to steal your bag of candy, these soldiers of fortune are always out in full force on all-hallows' eve. With their bright red jumpsuits, yellow face paint and fake machine guns, they will rip through the neighbourhood like the U.S. through Afghanistan. Nevertheless, be forewarned that you might be mistaken for Canadian military personnel--especially if you fall from the sky along with the pieces of a helicopter.

The Devil

As a Halloween relic, there hasn't been a year when there wasn't one of these little demons on your doorstep. With their pitchforks and bright red suits, they strike terror into the hearts of trick-or-treaters and gouge your candy supply. This year when Satan comes-a-knocking, check and make sure he doesn't have a beard and an armful of al-Qaeda training videos. Last time I checked, that guy doesn't like candy!

Well, there you have it. A handful of some of the most popular Halloween costumes. All of them are filled with potential, and are guaranteed a double-take at any Halloween party. Anyway, here's hoping that you all have a happy Halloween--and if you're looking for something to do the day after, here's an idea: head down to your nearest mall and admire the Christmas decorations. I hear they promise to be shittier this year than last.

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