Getting your signals crossed

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By this stage in our lives, most of us have learned to read certain signs. A smile represents warmth, prolonged eye contact signals attraction, a few seemingly casual brushes of the arm are anything but casual--the list goes on.

Of course, some signs are misread, we experience body language dyslexia, if you will. For example, a smile may represent amusement that you have something stuck in your teeth. Prolonged eye contact could signal the fact that a girl is running low on cash and is desperately trying to pull your wallet from your pocket, using only the power of her pupils. And, sometimes a casual brush of the arm really is just that--casual.

Due to the potential for misinterpretation, we are often cautious in letting certain gestures or actions guide us toward (or away from) "making a move." At the same time, however, there are times when all signs point to yes, and without saying the actual words, the person next to you is begging "take me now!"--or perhaps something a little more dignified. Regardless, you decide to go for it.

As it turns out, that isn't always the right course of action. As my friend Andrew recently found, all the positive signals in the world do not necessarily equal a green light.

Andrew and I, along with some other friends, were just finishing some beers at a nearby pub. An acquaintance of ours--we'll call her Sarah--stopped by the table. We decided to order another round, and Sarah joined in. An hour or two went by and Andrew said he was ready to leave. At this point, Sarah said she'd go too and they could walk together, as they live relatively close to one another.

As they neared Sarah's apartment, she asked Andrew if he wanted to come up for coffee (no, she did not use the word "nightcap," though that would make the story even better). At first, Andrew declined, but Sarah insisted, so he figured "why not?" He was, after all, seeing this as sign number one that he was in for some action.

They went upstairs and Sarah offered "the tour," which she strategically ended in the bedroom. Sign number two. Then she shut the bedroom door. Sign number three.

She told Andrew to make himself comfortable on her bed and proceeded to light a few candles. Signs four and five.

Andrew was now feeling a little more enthusiasm about "coffee".

Sarah settled herself next to him and they made the obligatory small talk. Eventually Andrew leaned in to kiss her. To his utter surprise, however, he was interrupted with a scream.

"What the hell are you doing?! Get away from me!!!"

Needless to say, Andrew was shocked. He figured that he'd had a green light, a clear lane, and he wasn't even speeding.

Finally, he managed to stammer, "uh, I dunno, I guess I just misread things. I'm really sorry."

Sarah is far from placated. Leaping from the bed (and backlit by about 14 votive candles), she was still screaming.

"I'd say you misread the fucking signs, you creep! I think we'd better do coffee another night."

Only too happy to oblige, Andrew picked his hat up from the bed (earlier in the conversation, Sarah had removed it to "feel how soft his hair was") and headed for the door.

It was a long time before he made any moves after that. In his eyes, all signs now read "enter with caution" and "use at your own risk."





Absolutely nothing. These articles just serve as filler for the gauntlet and provide no insight or original thought whatsoever. I don't even bother reading this garbage.

It's interesting that you don't "read this garbage" when you obviously read enough of it to form the opinion that it is garbage. It's also interesting that you make it a habit to comment on things that you haven't read. With logic like this, you will no doubt have a BRILLIANT future in law.

Whether you see insight in these stories or not, I see these articles as a humorous forum for discussing the stories and dilemmas that many university students have encountered. It's unfortunate that not everyone has a sense of humor.

I read every article and find these articles anoying and a waste of valuable space. She seems to think that she is some sort of "sex in the city" chick, but her articles lack humour or even entertainment. She seems to have some sort of view that she leads a wild and thrilling life. I've met mormons will more exciting and entertaining stories. Someones got to give this broad a real thrill so she's got a real story.
This section is supposed to be for OPPINIONS. These aren't oppinions. This is a University Newspaper, why doesn't it publish any contoversial oppinions of students instead of this crap?

p.s. I feel sorry for the illustrator who always seems to get stuck doing illustrations for her stories. He must be at the bottom of the gauntlet food chain to be stuck illustrating these drab "real life stories". My prayers are with you mate.

I've met mormons will more exciting and entertaining stories.

I think Brad is talking about me and my Story!!!!!!! Woot!

Ps. will and with are not the same word. Neither are Oppinions and Opinions.

I dont really enjoy your articles but I did in this case. I can relate as any other sexually charged university student can, that signals get crossed many times and as a result people get burned...most commonly guys.

I realized that editorials, opinions and general articles in the gauntlet arent all supposed to be so serious and intellectual and ground breaking as many people (including myself) may think.

This is because not every student on campus enjoys serious, intellectual and ground breaking material which is recycled issue after issue. They want humerous and casual observations of a thing called "the battle of the sexes" from a girl who claims to know the scene very well.

So in conclusion, I no longer object to the articles that are written in this regard.

....so long as none are written about me ;-)

I am sick of this column because everytime I read it it's about the same age old story - dating mishaps. I read one last week by the same author and I didn't even finish it because it was so boring and unoriginal. There was no interesting storyline.

I'd like to see this author push the envelope and try something more exciting - or atleast new (non-dating related!). I mean, everyone has had bad dating experiences. Some are funny, some are sad, and some are just plain crazy. But after awhile they all blend together and people forget about them or brush them off. You should write about something new and think outside of the dating-hell box...a lot of people would be thrilled! I swear!

"p.s. I feel sorry for the illustrator who always seems to get stuck doing illustrations for her stories. He must be at the bottom of the gauntlet food chain to be stuck illustrating these drab "real life stories". My prayers are with you mate."

lmao!! That's such a good point! I wonder who does those illustrations? I hope that he or she atleast gets paid for those! And not in chocolate...

Okay folks, let's get serious here... so many of you write in bitching about these articles, and I'm sure it's much the same material you discuss in your whitty banter at the Den on a Thursday night. What this author does is bring up a subject that we're all somewhat interested in, and she does it in a fun way. Take time away from your busy 'news driven' schedules and enjoy some light heartedness.
PS If you want to see something "better" in the Gauntlet, and this is such a waste of space... where the hell are your "compelling" editorials?

she's the one who had given signals that she liked him, with the candles and everything. what did the think was going to happen when he tried to kiss her? she is in denial of the way she behaved. maybe she should have said what she meant in the first place.