Academic Probation

I have a time machine, you know

Publication YearIssue Date 

One of The Future's most widely enjoyed columnists and an outspoken advocate of its PolyOral Rights Movement--his beaked second mouth housing the otherworldly, beautiful scream considered the movement's aural mascot--Gruaak Crommow has seen fit to lend his time-machined self and often inadvertently audacious ruminations on the sad state of the past (widely regarded as the present by most of its residents) as a special to the Gauntlet's own Academic Probation section. Caution: Below Opineth Insanity.

[Ed. Note: We apologize for lack of clarity in Mr. Crommow's writing. We asked him about it and he informed us in the future all communication is performed via cell-phone text messaging, even when in close proximity, and "[his] pastlawyer in the past would pnuch (sic) us in the moneyholezz if we changed NEthin!!!"]


Okay I bet u think it's not time to talk about abortions and junk but guess what it IS!!!!! Ladies and also boys on both sides of the sidewalk, i wuz standin and watching u yetsreday (you may might have seen me I was the cartoon bird in only his unnapants) and I gotta say ur campaigns need some work!! Antibortos--if y'all want ppl 2 identify w/ your cause you should v. prob. use pictures of things that don't look like delicious jelley candies, and Probortos, it really doesn't help ya cause that u wrote all ya stuff on sheets and stood there like ladies all doin the laundry for they husbands in the 1950s (I've been there {in my time machine!!!!!!} so I know what it looks like!!!!(!!!)).

Asides both of u guys' argument are what's called in the future as "mostly not good." Both you guys rely pretty much only on ad-hominem and the vague definition of sentience 4 u arguments to b rite, so basically when you look at it this way ur practically arguing the same thing.

I wrote u a haiku:

Shut Up Shut Up Shut

Please Stop Coming 'Round Mah Digs

How 'Bout Now? Or Now?

As a side note,, in the future mermaids are REAL and theay ALL have DDDDDD∞-sized BREASTS! :) RADBADICAL!!!!!!!!!!!