Editor, the Gauntlet,
You fools, what have you done?! That was a particularly vicious and mean-spirited prank you pulled last week, claiming that Bermuda Shorts Day was going to be a dry event. As you know, this is one of the only things students are passionate about, so your irresponsible actions were a particularly low blow. You're all pricks.
[Editor's note: Last week's cover story was only meant to be an April Fool's Day joke, Cam. We certainly didn't intend for it to be taken with the seriousness that it was. I guess that makes you, by definition, a fool.]