Academic Probation
courtesy Josh Hallett

Student still has superiority complex about owning a BlackBerry

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While the rest of the world is celebrating the release of the latest iPhone, one University of Calgary student has yet to come down from the high of owning a BlackBerry Pearl.

Fourth-year political science major Andrea Sykes just cannot seem to get over the rush that comes with owning the latest gadget, even if that once-great piece of technology has now been rendered obsolete.

Sykes purchased her BlackBerry Pearl in 2009, and has since become a devoted BlackBerry consumer, insisting that she would never use any other mobile device.

“It is the perfect device,” said Sykes, who apparently had no prior experience with the BlackBerry’s sticky trackball or unresponsive tendencies.

Among other features, Sykes praises the device primarily for its versatility.

“What is great about this device is that it can do anything,” said Sykes. “I can access the Internet with the mere touch of several buttons. I have infinite resources in the palm of my hand. I mean, how many other devices can say that?”

As it turns out, a great number of devices can say that, and, at the time of our interview, Sykes seemed completely oblivious to the hundreds of highly successful smartphone models already on the market.

“Why would I ever need to use anything else?” Sykes asked of no one in particular. “Nothing can top this product. Are you telling me that next they are going to come up with a phone that can recognize your fingerprint or connect to the Internet in less than 15 seconds? Whatever. This is the future.”

In addition to an apparent disconnect from reality, the BlackBerry Pearl has also given Sykes a false sense of prestige.

“Now that I have joined the upper ranks of the mobile phone elite, I don’t waste my time with those flip-phone Neanderthals,” said Sykes with an extremely misplaced sense of superiority. “Now excuse me while I update my Twitter feed — in real time.”

Despite the neigh-sayers and overwhelming evidence supporting the contrary, Sykes is confident that the BlackBerry is “here to stay.”

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