Survey says: I smell frosh

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Everyone grab a pen and paper. Whether you're a fifth-year General Studies "student" or a frosh you must take this survey to assert your humanity in all its glory.

1. Wearing your high school football jacket at the U of C is considered:

a. heoric

b. somewhat suave

c. asinine

2. You can find Pepsi everywhere on campus because:

a. it is fizzy and delicious

b. they have a beverage monopoly

c. the U of C is morally bankrupt

3. The Den's decor is:

a. unsettling

b. damp, but comfortable

c. stunningly super-fantastic

4. "Frosh" stands for:

a. Finally rid of school horror

b. Frisky rabbits only somewhat hornier

c. Foolish runts on spastic high

5. Tuition is:

a. reasonably priced, according to mumsy

b. somewhat overbearing

c. Machiavellian, no, Orwellian

6. Students who sit in the front row:

a. learn more

b. cannot fall asleep as easily

c. fool no-one and fail anyway

7. Professors who smile at you:

a. have forged a special bond

b. like the fact that you're awake

c. desire your young, fresh body

8. Profs are generally:

a. intimidating in their wisdom

b. dressed funny

c. consistantly reevaluating their life choices

9. Tommy Hilfiger:

a. makes fine threads

b. costs lots of money

c. likes going to thailand but doesn't like the people

10. Complete this sentence, "The Dinos:"

a. "are extinct reptiles."

b. "rule the universe."

c. "better win something this year or else I'm transferring to the U of A."

11. I would give you my left arm to see:

a. N'Sync

b. Led Fuckin' Zeppelin

c. Betty Garble nude

12. What is CJSW?

a. C-JAY rocks

b. It plays today's best music

c. A station staffed by poorly-dressed leftists (who play today's best music)

13. I will graduate:

a. after four perfect, special years

b. probably in five or six years

c. when they offer me tenure

14. The couches are stained with:

a. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

b. sweat from lots of hard studying action

c. love

Every "a" is worth 0 points, every "b" 1 point, and every "c" 2 points. Anyone with ten points or less is frosh. Better wise up. Anyone with 20 or more is a grizzled veteran with a long white beard and pills for their heart condition. The first person to bring their completed survey to the Gauntlet (MSC 319) wins a kiss from our pet monkey, Mr. Screechy.