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Publication YearIssue Date 
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April 11, 2002
  Guess who’s wasting your money?PDF files may take a moment to load

The sob stories and excuses were almost enough to make me forgive.

For two weeks, I ran around the Students' Union offices hounding my elected and acclaimed officials because I wanted to find out what happened at a Canadian Alliance of Student Associations conference--a conference where five members of our SU attended on our student dollars.

It bothers me when people waste my money and what I heard bothered me a lot.


March 21, 2002
  Challenging complacency and routinePDF files may take a moment to load

The Gauntlet's March 7 cover had a picture of "Puppetry of the Penis" on it. This caused enough of an uproar that the paper was pelted with nasty letters and both the Calgary Herald and CBC Radio took enough interest to report on this event.

This column is about a penis on the cover of a newspaper and the value of routine. It could begin any number of ways, but it begins with an admission: I live in a prison of clichés.


March 07, 2002
  Switzerland’s strange bedfellowsPDF files may take a moment to load

It's high noon, it's dark, and clouds of angry locusts are swarming outside the window. Switzerland has joined the United Nations and the Angel of Death is having coffee in your living room.

He speaks German and French-two of his four official languages. He represents 12 of the 23 Cantons and 54 per cent of the popular vote. He smiles at you, his teeth glisten, and he looks at the coo-coo clock on your wall.

"It's time," he says and pushes his cup aside. "It's time to go."


February 28, 2002
  Kris didn’t read at all last weekPDF files may take a moment to load

Former Students' Union President Toby White was convulsing with laughter. It was 2 a.m. in Olympus Hall and he was lying on the ground completely soaked because he foolishly opened his door expecting late night cuddly fun.

Silly Toby.

Instead of getting nookie, he got attacked by a gang of ruffians armed with lukewarm water and a roughshod plan. A full frontal assault from the Supersoaker 2500 forced him to the ground where he laughed because there was nothing else he could do.


February 14, 2002
  Finding your “inner Eddie”PDF files may take a moment to load

This column is about cheap advertising and a guy named Eddie. It's about the value of distracting yourself, and it's about having fun too. It begins with "I know a guy named Eddie."

"So do I," you say. But my Eddie is special-believe me.

Listen: Eddie is the master of having fun. He is the master of rowdiness, booze and feeling good. Eddie is the first and only human being to ever get seriously injured playing Golden Tee.


February 07, 2002
  Appalling lack of futbol culturePDF files may take a moment to load

It took a late Wednesday evening complete with beer and futbol to realize that "I am Canadian!" doesn't fully apply to me. Dual citizenship and all, sometimes I just can't pull it off.

I was at the Den, it was about
9 p.m. and the semifinals of the Gold Cup were on TV. Canada against the United States-a soccer match where my adopted boys actually had an outside shot.


January 24, 2002
  December’s welcome twist of fatePDF files may take a moment to load

Good stories often border on the ridiculous, so consider this one.

At the beginning of my second year at your friendly student newspaper, I was appointed interim Sports Editor. I didn't know how to write, didn't know how to edit and certainly didn't understand the world I was about to enter. I had just come back from one of those life-altering trips and I was ready for a change. To hell with it I thought, so I gave it a try.


January 17, 2002
  A new marking methodologyPDF files may take a moment to load

School is a sham. My marks last term became a function of my effort-my knowledge or intelligence had nothing to do with it. This situation begs the obvious questions: Why go through the charade at all? Is there a point to attending university when I can correctly predict my grade point average by mid-November with an accuracy that would make Nostradamus blush?

There are three alternatives which would solve my problem-a problem shared by many fellow lemmings here at the University of Calgary.


November 22, 2001
  The magic of crossmarketingPDF files may take a moment to load

Attention spans are a funny thing. I've never thought about it before, but the attention spans of my fellow North Americans dictate what I see on TV. What I want to know is, are those 12-second sound bytes of news, sports and Britney Spears geared towards the average American, or--and I hope this isn't the case--the lowest common denominator?

I kept this in mind as I watched TV last weekend and I saw three major themes.


October 25, 2001
  Bordering on American disgracePDF files may take a moment to load

The war in Afghanistan is disgusting.

However, it is not only the bombs, the refugees or the dead soldiers and civilians. What has become of America at home is just as gruesome.



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