Humour

    
Publication YearIssue Date 
  Humour
September 18, 2013
  Student discovers perfect not awkward position for hands in picturesPDF files may take a moment to load

One University of Calgary student may have discovered a solution to one of the greatest dilemmas since the beginning of portraiture.

After two decades of struggling with awkward hand positioning in photographs, third-year philosophy student Anthony Foster decided to take matters into his own unphotogenic hands by creating the ultimate hand position.

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September 11, 2013
  The ultimate Canadian sportPDF files may take a moment to load

Two students from the Schulich School of Engineering are attempting to invent a new sport by reimagining the medieval game of jousting.

Typically relegated to renaissance fairs, jousting hasn’t had a lot of success in the last 700 years. Hoping to change that, the two university students intend to add a Canadian twist.

“Just imagine it,” Ethan, one of the co-founders said, “two moose charging at each other, huge antlers clashing. Riders knocking each other off with lances. It’ll be epic.”

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September 04, 2013
  First-year student thinks he can change the worldPDF files may take a moment to load

Despite the inherent corruption of our financial and political systems and the rapid decline of Western civilization, first-year political science student Darren Spinner is convinced that he will be able to affect a positive change in the world around him.

As a new student at the University of Calgary, Spinner is eager to begin making his community a better place, even though we live in a world that has been irreversibly poisoned by apathy and distrust.

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April 03, 2013
  Pope Francis has Easter revelationPDF files may take a moment to load

Pope Francis announced at Easter Sunday mass on March 31 that he had an Easter revelation. Before he announced the revelation, he was quoted saying “This might seem like a complete reversal of my previous position” and indeed it was. The Pope announced that gay marriage is now OK under Catholic doctrine and that contraception is not actually the devil’s invention. This revelation has shocked the world and especially Catholics who strictly follow the Pope’s word instead of bending the rules as most slightly religious people do. 


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March 28, 2013
  White male authorities to determine what we can doPDF files may take a moment to load

The U.S. Supreme Court has been deliberating a
Californian case regarding gay marriage. The court must determine whether or not to allow gay marriage in California.


“It’s about time someone made a decision on this,” said traditional marriage supporter Norman Greigson. “I’m tired about hearing deliberation on this. Finally someone can tell me if what I believe is right or not.”


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February 07, 2013
  Aggressive rabbits terrorize squirrels, studentsPDF files may take a moment to load

A new strain of rabies has infected the majority of University of Calgary rabbits, igniting fears that students may be in danger. Campus Security and university administration first learned of the rabbits’ disease after finding several squirrels and magpies “torn to shreds,” said university contact Angela Koening.


“We thought it was the work of a coyote on campus, but the infected rabbits are ganging up on other animals,” Koening continued.


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January 24, 2013
  Pubic lice declared an endangered speciesPDF files may take a moment to load

Pubic lice, commonly known as crabs, were declared an endangered species last week. A 2003 study from the Australian Kirby Institute showed pubic lice as the most common sexually transmitted infection in Australia. Now, a mere 10 years later, the Kirby Institute has noted a dramatic decrease in the number of pubic lice infections.


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January 10, 2013
  Militant group on campus threatens adminPDF files may take a moment to load

A militant student organization on campus has declared war on the University of Calgary administration if they do not concede to demands of lowered student fees and the removal of corporate sponsorship. The student group, known as the Students and Teachers Union for Financial Freedom formed after the Board of Governors approved a 2.15 per cent tuition hike on Dec. 6, 2012 — days before final exams and winter holidays.

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November 29, 2012
  Rampant hair loss strikes campusPDF files may take a moment to load

Doctors and scientists alike are baffled at the recent spike in hair loss of University of Calgary students. The praecalvustis epidemic reportedly silently hit the campus in late October, but according to doctors, the disease does not flare up for several weeks.


“Many students could be carriers without knowing it,” said Dr. Frank Bateman, a physician at a walk-in clinic near campus. “The bacteria build up for a few weeks to a month in the cranial system. Once a flare up occurs, there’s no stopping it.”


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November 08, 2012
  Alcohol studies course successfulPDF files may take a moment to load

The new University of Calgary course Alcohol Studies 211 has been a resounding success this semester. At first, the university was hesitant about offering the course, but sociology professor and self-professed ‘alcoh-phile’ James McLean was key in structuring the course and offering it to students. 


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