Capitalist plot discovered on campus

By Dave McLean

It wouldn’t be a true back-to-school event here if it didn’t have money written all over it. Yes that’s right folks, school is in and with it comes a barrage of marketing hype so shiny it glows. Get your Bay card now, who knows when they’ll run out? Have you driven a Pepsi lately? Or is that Ford’s slogan? I don’t know. The commercial lines are blurring and it feels like that blueberry squishy high that Bart and Milhouse shared not too long ago.

The idea is kind of novel when you’re a first year student. Come to school, get lots of free stuff and try to get drunk, or, if you’re 18, get free stuff, get drunk. It doesn’t get any better than that when you’re young, naïve and crazy about being in university.

While the drinking may not affect you until you reach your peak in fifth (or sixth) year, the commercialism of campus will begin to rot your soul immediately. If you are in Management, stop reading this article, and skip to the TLFs now.

Don’t get me wrong, I like free stuff just as much as the next guy, but what I have a problem with is how it’s pushed on you and me, Joe Student. The pamphlets treat us like we’re stupid, ignorant masses who honestly believe a Bay card will make life easier.

But wait a minute, maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s what works. Maybe we are mindless drones aimlessly wandering around. Come to think of it there were more than a few people clambering to get into that sumo suit. Meanwhile, others graciously donated their demographics in a bid to win something, as they cheered on the quasi-sumos trying to pummel their friends in order to emerge triumphant to a "fabulous" prize pack of chocolate covered pretzels. Yummy–tastes like market research with a touch of data-mining.

Marketing hype up the hoop is the only thing to which we can
all relate. It takes running a blowup obstacle course to bring students together, because the only thing we have in common is money and where we can spend it. Let’s face it, as tuition rises sharply every year, the only people coming to school are those who can afford it and those who are willing to take
on an enormous student debt. Why not help yourself out with
a high-interest credit card?

Surely Mom and Dad will bail you out if you spend too much. Frankly, that’s what they are banking on.

So think about it. Are the "campus event cruisers" really making a positive impact in your life or they giving you more junk that you’re bound to throw away? Do you really need to build your credit rating by applying for a Canadian Tire card? Besides, if they think you can’t figure out their stupid gimmicks, why would they believe you could x your car by yourself?

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