When beauty is only skin deep

By Ruth Davenport

Let’s consider the thought process that precedes getting dressed for a night out: the first factor is generally the destination. Different bars have different "feels" and some claim dress codes, formal or otherwise. Purple minis and red sequin platform thigh-highs won’t go over well at a place like Ranchman’s, but will fit right in with the crowd at, say, Detours.

Once the locale has been established, then the personal goals for the night should be considered. Are you interested in making some new friends? Or just chumming with the ones you have? New friends requires the optimum showcasing of all bodily assets, be they rump, breast, bicep, thigh or wallet. Generally, exposing as much of the asset in question is advisable, but
keep the following adage in mind: cleavage good, crack bad. For advice on concealing body flaws, consult such fine publications as Maxim (Sitting Down: How to Hide Your Butt) or Cosmopolitan (Are You a Broad-Shouldered Broad?) and dress accordingly. A more casual approach may be taken to dressing when simply heading out for a night on the town to enjoy the company of good friends. The most important thing to keep in mind is although your pals will all say they don’t care what they put
on, they still want to look better than you. Looking flawless without seeming to try is an art and the sooner you get it under control, the better. Do not consult Cosmopolitan or Maxim on this issue.

Make good use of your mirror. If you don’t give it the chance, it can’t tell you about unsightly panty lines, open flies or spinach in your teeth. It can’t tell you that lime-green crushed velvet isn’t trendy and never was. It can’t even tell you that you are way too fat for a midriff top and it can’t tell you that your hair is a fire hazard. Your mirror can be your best friend… if you just open up and let the walls down.

Finally, just be smart. If you are heading down to a mud-wrestling pit, do not wear light colours. If you are more wide than you are tall, do not wear horizontal stripes anywhere. Beware of black lights: although neon toe polish looks really groovy, light-coloured thongs have a disturbing ten-dency to shine brilliantly through similarly light-coloured clothing.

Finally, giant silver belt buckles are a safety hazard, so make sure your insurance is in order before leaving the house with one.

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