Weekly Top Eight

By Kris Kotarski

1. Soccer Cab
– Sat., Nov. 17
– $7.00 at the door and $5.00 in advance
There is nothing better than a soccer cab. Phrases like Gongshow, public nudity and "might get arrested" quickly spring to mind. Bermuda Shorts Day Lite, for the uninitiated.
2. Dinos Men’s Hockey
– 6-2-1
– ranked fifth in Canada
Clearly in the "what the fuck" category, the Dinos are tearing up the league. Two players are on pace to receive 25 pounds of Grade A Alberta pork from the Gauntlet for their scoring exploits.
3. Natalie Schwartz
– volleyball setter
– undefeated in league play
The rookie setter is off to a roaring start and her celebrations after big blocks border on the obscene. Quickly becoming one of the most entertaining athletes on campus.
4. Natalie Schwartz’ fans
– best damned fans on campus
– drunk at a volleyball game
They were drunk and they made a sign. It said "We Love Westjet" on it. As the man who coined Schwartz’ unfortunate nickname, this makes me feel a strange mixture of pride and shame.
5. Matt Houston
– soccer midfielder
– the heart of the Dinos
No man has ever meant as much to his campus as Matt Houston means to the U of C. Rain, snow, morning midterms–nothing keeps Matt Houston from having a great Thursday night.
6. Communism
– an ideology
I have to interview the leader of the Communist Party of Canada this week. Despite constant rumours, it’s not Dinos women’s volleyball Head Coach Kevin Boyles. It’s someone else.
7. The Calgary Flames
– 12-2-1-2
– ranked second in the NHL
Do they realize their only two losses have come with Mike Vernon in net? Logically, that dictates he should never get a start again. Number one goalie Roman Turek earns the nickname "Greco-Roman" Turek with his great play.
8. Denis Zhukov
– volleyball power hitter
Aside from being from Kazakhstan, Zhukov is rumoured to eat a lot of butter. He’s also the most talented player on the Dinos squad that looks as solid as ever when they don’t lose five-setters to UBC.

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