Publishing industry hits new low

By Kyle Young

Rush Limbaugh

Gerthülda and Rüthenleid:

A Femi-Nazi Love Story

This incredibly powerful novel, set in the late ’70s, follows the lives of two West Berlin friends, Gerthülda and Rüthenleid, as they immigrate to America.

The main focus of the plot develops as the two friends are taken in by an extreme feminist movement, and discover their true love for one another. With twists and turns every time you flip the page and Limbaugh’s mastery over the full spectrum of rhetorical devices, expect Gerthülda and Rüthenleid to become one of the defining novels of our century.

Among the more remarkable sections readers should look forward to: a tragic bra-burning catastrophe, and the unexpected revelation about Gerthülda’s secret pasts.

For his mastery of language, and a bonus for the vividly defined love scenes, Limbaugh earns five out of five stars.

Paul Hogan

Swimming with the Platypus

When faced with a novel as complex and intricate as this, where should one start?

Swimming with the Platypus is the product of much soul searching by Hogan as he undergoes a mid-to-late life crisis in the Australian Outback. The book documents Hogan’s adventure as he sets off on a walkabout with little more than writing supplies and his machete. Midway through the book, a noted shift occurs from the existentialist ramblings of the earlier chapters, after Hogan is viciously attacked by a platypus.

Apparently, the platypus is the only mammal that is venomous, and as Hogan attempts to ease his suffering he discovers the hallucinogenic properties of eucalyptus. The drug-induced final portions of the novel save this work from becoming a printed edition of Crocodile Dundee.

With highlights including a discourse between a koala bear and a rainbow snake, Swimming with the Platypus earns four out of five stars.

Istin Galot

Styptic Pencil for the Soul

If you found little comfort or spiritual guidance in Chicken Soup for the Soul, this book is definitely for you.

Galot has collected letters, poems and short stories from thousands of pessimists and cynics the world over to pad the pages of this first volume of stinging yet realistic life stories. Many of us on campus will undoubtedly find a familiar experience within the section titled, "Undergraduates and Drug Dealers: Thoughts of the Misunderstood." Galot’s talent for spotting angst earns this collection three out of five stars.

Dream Street

Dream Street: Street of Dreams

No larger than a minority lobby group political pamphlet, this collection of life stories from the latest boy band has already sold record copies across the nation. Although each chapter is no longer than this article, Dream Street’s "book" includes plenty of nice glossy pictures of these lovely and talented 14-year-olds.

Highlights include chapter four, by Frankie Galasso, which reads: "Well I was born in a hospital, by my mom. And, uh, then I was stuck in my Grade 3 play, by my mom. That’s when I got my first agent, that my mom hired. Then in Grade 7 my mom put me in this talent show, but I got last place. I was sad. Then my mom got me in this band. It’s fun. Girls like me now."

Although I may have spoiled that exciting chapter by printing it in full, the remainder of this epic work will undoubted fill any reader’s palate. Because of the wonderful five-figure bribe from their manager, Street of Dreams wins five out of five stars.

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