The problem with international hockey

The sport of hockey is being corrupted. Corrupted by the dirty, selfish, money-grubbing Euros.

They spend their formative years under the guise of sweet, innocent children but in reality they are simply plotting their careers of terror in the National Hockey League. Growing up they were pampered by communist governments who ensured that anything they needed —be it equipment, coaching or ice time—was available to them without charge. They are fortunate to be able to play hockey everyday where they are taught the so-called "finer points" of hockey like skating, stick-handling and shooting. And when the time is right, they flee their poor, frigid homelands for the big cities and big dollars of the NHL.

Never taught the true essence of the game, these men come to North America without the necessary training in two of hockey’s most integral components—checking and teamwork. They are glad to be able to skate because when the bigger, stronger Canadian bears down on them, they know their nimble weak bodies will collapse on contact. And when the threat of being hit becomes to grave—with no respect for their opponent’s eye sight or well-being—they lift their sticks to the heavens in effort of slowing their adversary down. They have no fear of a reverse situation—they wear visors.

The Euro sells itself as the marquee player. They are the top point getters, the fastest skaters and the hardest shooters, but take a look at the numbers. When was the last time a team captained by a European won the Holy Grail. Never. Hockey is a team won by teams and lost by individuals. As Captain Mark Messier said, "The difference between united and untied is all in where you put the I."

So say what you will about the prototypical Canadian hockey player, but the fact is, they get it done. Championships are earned through dropping the mitts, blocking shots, throwing the body and playing as a team. The Euro can say they are flashy and that they earn the most money, but they will never be the first to hoist the Cup. They don’t have what it takes.

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