Preaching to the converted

Friends, I have seen the light and accepted soccer into my life.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Who cares about soccer? What’s so exciting about a sport where the score is usually 0–1? I wish the football faithful would just leave me alone.

I know this, because I’ve been there-I too was an unbeliever. My heart was once closed to soccer’s love.

If you are like most non-hyphenated Canadians, this probably describes you too. In fact, I was asking myself these same questions just one month ago; but I stand before you today a soccer fan. What caused this miraculous conversion, this fan alchemy? It’s quite simple, actually, and unlike some religious conversions, I didn’t even have to get wet. I just watched a match, and within minutes I was hooked-hooked on soccer, that is. I once was lost; I wandered in the valley of the shadow of baseball. But no more-soccer has forgiven my trespasses and I’m born again.

Soccer fulfils all your sport viewing needs, but it is a jealous sport. When you accept soccer, you must forsake all others, rejecting false sporting idols. But how small a sacrifice this is!

Do hockey players wear minimal protective gear, making themselves easy to identify and follow? Are there only two halves to a baseball game, meaning only one major break? Does golf have entertaining referees who give hell to players who dispute their calls, and threaten them with the dreaded red card? Do basketball teams play continuously for forty-five minutes at a time, with no time-outs or commercial breaks, and with "stoppage time" added at the end of the half to compensate for anydelays? Is there any other sport where all the fans are true fanatics, who are wearing team colors and singing profane team songs all game long?

So if you are not yet a soccer fan, why not take advantage of this World Cup? This is your opportunity to see the game at it’s best, and take your place amongst the ranks of the FIFA faithful.

All it takes is two hours of your life, and the rewards are bountiful and everlasting.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.