Tequila no es bueno

By Confessional #5

This just in: Tequila is hazardous to your health. It may cause you to perform actions including, but not limited to: skinny-dipping, running away from various individuals of authority, enticing strange people to eat out of your cleavage, hopping into police cruisers with the intention of gaining a ride home, breaking into public pools, playing drums on stage with no previous experience, faking certain nationalities that are not your own, french-kissing individuals of the same sex, serenading spectators at sporting events, and vomiting.

Our first cautionary tequila tale involves a young woman of 21, who was enjoying a busy Friday night at her favourite university establishment, the Den. This individual, who exhibits signs of addiction when the near-fatal cactus extract is involved, actually licked a few drops of Cuervo off a dirty table with the goal of avoiding any wastage of her favourite substance.

The Den staff rewarded her desperation with free drinks. Needless to say, the results were not pretty.

Another incident occurred along the shores of Puerto Vallarta, and involved two young women running nude into a town to avoid surly security guards wanting to expel them from their resort for their tequila-induced "free-spiritedness."

Our most severe case involves a pair of women, friends who had ten too many.

The first young woman attempted to fashion a pair of thong underwear out of a bandana. As you may expect, she deemed it a good idea to show her creation to the many onlookers. Classy.

Meanwhile, her friend degraded herself by allowing a middle-aged carpenter to shove his tongue in her mouth in an attempt to win a "kissing contest." Pictures have been circulating ever since.

While tequila consumption is not prohibited, and may lead to intense enjoyment in some cases, its side effects, including mass distribution of stories similar to these, can be harsh.

Consider yourself warned.

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