Passing on seconds

By Kelli Stevens

Some readers may remember my recent advice about sampling a potential hook-up before you commit to bringing them home. It has, however, come to my attention that some people are too optimistic for this sampling process. A “glass is half full” attitude can have disastrous results.

Take, for example, a third-year student named Shannon. She’d had her eye on Justin for a few weeks, and was thrilled when they ended up doing the Den’s dance floor lip-lock (the one non-coupled-up people love to hate). She was not so thrilled, however, when Justin turned out to be a less-than-stellar kisser. But she had high hopes and went home with him anyway.

"After all," she thought, "the night could get better."


Upon entering his bedroom, Justin turned to Shannon with a smile and asked her a most unexpected question. "Are you asthmatic?"

A bit thrown, Shannon replied slowly. "Noooo… why?"

Without a word, the studly Justin flicked on his personal fog machine. Apparently, he wanted to set the mood. Shannon was increasingly hesitant, but decided to stick around anyway.

She stuck around through conversation that included questions like "Did you shower today? Because I’ve been with girls who don’t shower. I don’t like it." She stuck around when the awful kissing began again. And she stuck around as it got increasingly worse.

Just when she thought she’d had enough (finally!), Shannon couldn’t believe her ears. Out of Justin’s mouth came, "Do you want to take the next step?"

Her automatic response was, "What next step?"

There was certainly nothing happening in that bedroom that was revving her up for anything more than a quick exit. Justin simply replied by standing up and saying, "I just have to grab something."

After Justin had "grabbed something," an incredulous Shannon spelled it out.

"You’re crazy if you think I’m sleeping with you."

At this, Justin laid down without a word. And Shannon watched, open-mouthed, as it took all of 30 seconds for him to pass out.

She knew it was well past time to leave.

One problem though: her arm was completely stuck under this now-KO’d-mistake-of-a-Friday-night.

So, she shook him. She pinched him. Apparently, nothing was going to wake this guy up. Rather than gnaw her own shoulder off, Shannon gathered all her strength and pulled. It knocked Justin to the floor (he still didn’t wake up), but Shannon’s move worked–she was free.

Since that night, she never orders the whole meal if she’s not fully satisfied with the appetizer.

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