Getting paid for stupidity

By Madeleine Somerville

Now that the shock value has worn off, and a considerable portion of the population have spent their time and money oohing and ahhing over the grotesque stunts that make up Jackass, I feel it’s time to throw my opinion into the mix.

First of all, I find the entire Jackass phenomenon completely and utterly boring. I’m not shocked by the pain they inflict upon themselves and each other, nor am I in awe of the "crazy" things they think up. Finally, I’m not even surprised at the numerous objects they manage to insert in their respective anuses.

It’s boring.

Anyone who’s had male friends or siblings, or even come remotely close to a teenaged male in that period of their life has seen the like over and over again. The sad fact these individuals haven’t managed to grow past that ridiculous stage is something I find pathetic and hardly something to shock and appall. Simply put, it’s been done.

Moving on, I’d like to explain why, in my mind, this is so sad. To do so, I will paraphrase one of Jackass’s the main "characters," Steve-O, in his self-titled movie.

"People ask why I do these sorts of things, it’s because I don’t like school and I don’t like working." To do this, he is willing to have darts shot at his bare ass, eat various rodents, jump into a pool of human waste–the list of stupidity is endless.

These men are debasing themselves to make money, humiliating themselves and subjecting their minds and bodies to things most members of the population would consider disturbing at the very least.

It seems these men have taken the age old art of prostitution to a new level, performing acts no one else would and being paid for their services.

It’s too bad that this new breed of gigolos don’t serve any purpose. They don’t fulfill the needs of a sexually depraved population, they don’t even act as a convenient scapegoat for societal breakdown. It’s pathetic.

At least genuine prostitutes are performing in a discrete way, walking the streets after darkness, and in most cases turning tricks out of necessity rather than admitted pure laziness. In most cases they aren’t trying to deliberately harm their bodies, or those of others. Nor are they forcing their acts down the throats of a young population waiting in the wings to follow in their footsteps. Compared to the members of Jackass, streetwalkers almost seem like valuable members of society.

Here’s a stunt for you Mr. Knoxville, try walking a cold street corner wearing next to nothing from eight in the evening ’till the wee hours of the morning. Try spending a night getting into car after car, not knowing who is inside or whether you’ll return alive.

I bet that’s a real adrenaline rush.

Take a walk in those four-inch heels and then perhaps you will stop shoving squid down your pants and humiliating your friend’ s father long enough to get some perspective and a real job.

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