The Special Goodness

By Peter Hemminger

Dear record-buying public,

We’d love it if you bought our album. We know there are a lot of choices out there right now, but ours is the best one. Its chock full of guitars and drums, but we try not to play them too hard. We wouldn’t want to get you riled up and angry, we just want you to like us.

You liked what we did in Weezer and Rocket from the Crypt, right? So, in a way, we’re like old friends. We kept in all the distortion and melody you guys seem to eat up, and we recorded it old-fashioned, like on analog tape. Don’t worry, there’s no electronics or anything to throw you off–we’ re just a good old-fashioned guitar band.

Yeah, Pat’s lyrics can be pretty weak, but we’re just rocking out. Don’t you like rocking out? Doesn’t everyone? Please like us.

We’ll sing lyrics about everyone loving each other, and we promise to be as inoffensive as we can. Just as long as you like us. Please?


The Special Goodness

P.S. I hope we didn’t sound too desperate.

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