Disasters in the world of dating

A knowledgeable young man once said that a worthwhile relationship is like trying to find the perfect wave or powder run; you may not find it every time you try, but it’s definitely worth it when you do.

To Mittens,

If I am guilty of anything, it’s falling for the wrong girl (evidently on the rebound). We spent an endless amount of time together. She gave me a friendship I hadn’t been party to and I gave her security. Christmas came around and we had been unofficially dating for a few months. I figured she deserved what every good person deserves, a special gift. She had been searching for a movie that had held special meaning to her as a kid. I searched for hours, scouring and savaging, finally finding it and a few other items I knew she would like.

So finally Christmas comes around, we exchange gifts and Cara is more than surprised that I was able to find her movie. Everything is smooth sailing and going great, right? Wrong. A few days after New Year’s she tells me that she rushed into things and wasn’t sure that what we were doing was going to work out. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Who couldn’t see this coming”? Well I didn’t, so screw you. That’s not nice, it’s just that I was blinded by her daunting blue eyes and probably still in shock that somebody as cool as Cara even wanted any part of me. A week goes by and I get call from Cara. She explains how sorry she is about everything and that she was just a little confused. The short of it was that she wanted to try this again. More than a little hesitant, I agree. The next few weeks play out identical as before. Finally after a third go around (I know I am an idiot and you only know the half of it to this point) and five months later, things between me and Cara finally taper off for the last time.

I crawled back three times only to be kicked to the curb over and over again, each time relinquishing my dignity that much more. Now this is where my good friend Thomas comes in. After this story he may come across as a huge dick, and don’t get me wrong, he is, but he is my best friend and I was used to it. See the thing about Thomas is that he has always been around to not only relish in my bad decisions but he also finds a way to make everything about 10 times worse.

Now to the uninformed eye the past 300 words about Cara might simply come across as ramblings about me being a complete idiot, but there is a little more substance to this and it comes two months after everything has happened.

It was a cold February night and my evening was cut short when I volunteered to take care of a drunken friend. Thomas also helped out (See he does some good things, even though subconsciously I think he follows me in hopes of a potential disaster) and we drove Kyla back to her parents’ house. The truth really does shine through when you’re drinking and Kyla must have been drinking eternal truth potion all night because she just began rambling off various secrets she had been keeping (most of which were juvenile and boring, well almost all). My fiasco with Cara came to a head when Kyla ventured that she had a secret about yours truly. Thomas, being the wonderful pal he is, welcomed the information like a small child getting ready to watch his favorite cartoon. Kyla quickly explained that almost from the moment me and Cara began seeing each other, she had continued fooling around with her ex-boyfriend. On top of that, she was also involved with the biggest “douche bag” I have ever known (he knows who he is and this is just a small part of what makes him the creep he is).

So picture it, at this point Thomas is in tears he’s laughing so hard and well, me, I am just in tears (well not really, but I was ready to make something cry). I was feeling everything I had felt two months previous and seeing little humour in this.

-Darren Spangler: Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan

Dear Mittens,

In my first year of community college in Vulcan, Alberta I met this wonderful exchange student from Australia. Somehow some beautiful, funny and kindhearted girl shows interest in me. As she was new to Alberta, I decided to take her on a trip to the Calgary Tower for our first date. Everything was going better than planned up until about the appetizers. The subject of age came up and she made a comment about how she assumed I should almost be done school, considering how old I was. She had assumed I was in the 23-25 range. Only one problem­, I was 18. Now, age for me has never been a huge problem. Truly three or four years isn’t so bad, right? Well, try seven. She was 25. Let’s just say supper ended on a slightly awkward note. I was left with a substantial bill and no chance for a second date. But hey, I got to go on a date with what some may categorize as a cougar. That’s right, a cougar.

-Jeremy Denver; Vulcan,


Dearest Mittens,

To make this long story short and spare you the descriptive details, my New Year’s escort that I would eventually date during the tail end of the winter, puked on me just after midnight (and I mean all over me). The unfortunate thing was that it became a long distance relationship that was finished before it even started. It’s hard enough not seeing someone for four or five days, let alone three weeks, and that’s how it ended (with me coming out as the bad guy for being logical in a situation that wasn’t).

-Craig Donavon; Dildo, Newfoundland

Now you might wonder why Mittens covered something like National Dating Week. Well it was our editor, Rod Mcdod’s brainchild. He just got engaged and when he told us the great news we regaled each other with really bad dating stories from our past and thought it would be funny to hear other people’s sad and disconcerting tales of rejection. The cool thing about trying to find love is that we have to struggle and stumble a bit in search of that special someone. Even if that means misjudging your date’s age, getting puked on or just simply crawling back to take some more abuse. Half the battle is the hunt and from the above stories, it is obvious that anything is possible.

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