So my girlfriend of three years finally agreed to have a threesome with me. It’s been a long-time fantasy of mine and we talked about it until she felt comfortable with trying it out. We went away for New Year’s and hung out at this club checking the scene; we decided it would be better to hook up with someone we didn’t really know. We found this girl and took her back to our room. The night was great and we had a lot of fun, but she doesn’t want to do it again. I don’t get it. How can I get her interested in round two?
—Tristan
Since this is a fantasy that could bring irreversible consequences, you should feel happy that your girlfriend went out of her comfort zone to do something she knew would please you. Just because a person tries something new doesn’t guarantee they want to keep doing it. Your girlfriend may have felt uncomfortable, wasn’t turned on or felt a sense of distance or competition having to share you with another woman. I would recommend that if she has voiced her disinterest in having another threesome, do not continue trying to convince her, as this may lead to resentment. Threesomes can be a great way to add a new sexual element to a relationship, but both parties need to be all in. It’s great to hear you talked in detail before it happened. Communication is the most important part of a healthy relationship and it brought you both to fulfilling your fantasy. Keep talking to each other and you may both reveal whole new sexual desires that you can experiment with and can both feel great about. One way to gain some inspiration is by visiting your local sex store and grabbing a game off the shelf. Some of these games are romantic, some are frisky and all of them have the objective of bringing you to orgasm which, in my opinion, is the real reward of any sexual experience.
Question for Lesley-ann? sexpert@thegauntlet.ca