So it all goes to shit

By Sarelle Azuelos

Well, we’re all fucked. Just when you thought it was safe to trust student journalism again, a new round of editors gets elected with the platform of screwing everything up as much as possible.

Erin Shumlich will takeover from Eric Mathison as editor-in-chief at the beginning of May. Shumlich was last year’s sports editor, and although she diligently ran her campaign, now that the job is hers she’s eager to correct some of the un-truths she mentioned during her campaign.

“First, I wasn’t serious about the waterslide. Well, at first I was serious, but when I mentioned it to the Quality Money committee they were skeptical,” she said.

Shumlich also regrets telling volunteers about the wet bar she intends to set up in the dark room. “This doesn’t mean I’m not going to install the wet bar — I just wish I had kept it a secret,” she added.

Michael Grondin was elected news editor. Grondin, a graduate of SAIT’s journalism program, switched to the University of Calgary in September to get a communications degree.

“People love me here,” said Grondin of his relationship with editors and volunteers.

“I can’t wait to see you fail,” said bitter outgoing news editor Amy Badry, who said exit polls showed that voters were more depressed after voting than usual.

Grondin hopes to get rid of all the other sections. “We’re called a newspaper, after all,” he said. “And besides, I don’t see why anyone would want to read anything else.”

Another goal of Grondin’s is to make all volunteers wear jean jackets, boots and cropped hair.

Leave a comment