Academic Probation

The Bermuda Shorts survival guide

The Gauntlet folks give you the BSD FAQs on the QT, ya dig?

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Every spring at the University of Calgary, students gather around and drown their academic sorrows with large amounts of alcohol at the annual Bermuda Shorts Day celebration. However, at the same time, dozens of students are forced to explain the concept of BSD to their friends. So, as a public service, the Gauntlet hereby provides answers to frequently asked questions about BSD.

So, what's the deal with BSD?

BSD stands for Bermuda Shorts Day, dingus. It was founded back in 1960 when Gauntlet editor Alan Arthur, wanting to show off his snazzy new shorts, wrote "Tomorrow is Bermuda Shorts Day. Everyone wear Bermuda Shorts" on the main hallway blackboard. Tons of people did, a bitchin' party occurred and a tradition was born. Nowadays, there is a beer garden outside somewhere and bands. People stand around and drink. Sometimes they listen to the music.

This year the place we're standing around is a parking lot. Last year it was inside MacEwan Hall. Most years it was that kind-of-grassy area outside Mac Hall. It really doesn't make a difference. You're still standing around drinking.

What happens on this "Bermuda Shorts Day"?

It depends on a few factors. For those wanting to get the full BSD experience, we recommend drinking from sun-up until you decide to stop drinking due to lack of vertical stability. In short: when you can't stand anymore.

As always, the engineers have created a great deal of BSD innovations. First and foremost on the list is their annual pancake breakfast by the firesticks on BSD morn. Line up and hustle food from some of the faculty's best and brightest. There is also a strong possibility that the syrup will have booze in it.

For the less social students, try the tried and true method of drinking in the shower. Sure, your parents or roommates may think you're a lush, but there's no greater way to celebrate the end of the semester than adding "chug" to your usual "lather, rinse, repeat" routine.

Wow. This "BSD" sure sounds great, but my prof is an asshole and scheduled a test that day. What should I do?

Well, you can either skip the test and get a zero . . . or attend drunk. A few years back, this writer had a quiz at 3 p.m. He decided to have a couple beers before going to write his essay. He had eight. Somehow he got a good mark. You may not be so lucky. Still, writing your exam drunk is much better than not writing it at all.

My prof says we're doing review.

Due to university guidelines, your professors cannot tell you that it's okay to skip class to get drunk. So they'll use terms like "We're doing review," "I'm going on a trip," "I'm not going to be here," or "Don't bother showing up." They can't say "Just go drink."

If your class is in the afternoon and you have a "review" class, just don't go. Spend the day in the majesty and splendour of the beer gardens.

If your class is in the morning, why not attend? Bring a beverage container with you and fill it with some manner of clear beverage. But please do not drink alcohol in class because that would be unwise if you are caught. Instead, think of how happy your professor is because people actually showed up to their class semi-sober.

I don't drink. How screwed am I?

That depends. Drinking isn't necessarily a guarantee for BSD fun. Plenty of people go to BSD and get shittered and have a horrible time. The key is to find an activity that works for you.

The bands at BSD are generally quite good, so why not get your dance moves going? By being the most sober person at the event, you are automatically the most co-ordinated and liable to impress your peers with your rad moves.

In addition, your friends are likely going to do two things: they will make foolish choices and then ask you for rides to places. If you have a camera, you can make this worth your while. By threatening to place incriminating photos of your pals on Facebook, you can both regulate their behaviour and ensure that they pitch in for gas.

Also, ladies generally don't fall for men who are sloppy drunks. By being sober, you're automatically not drunk. Good for you! Now go make some memories and try to make choices that keep you in good health and out of prison.

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