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Alister Starke/the Gauntlet

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Food and sex: two great tastes that taste great together

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Food is a fun and fulfilling addition to your sex life, and won't leave you hankering for a snack after you get a little something-something. Introducing food in the bedroom allows you to fulfill your base needs for food and sexuality. Who can argue with that? That said, some foods should be introduced to your bedroom, while others should not.

The first thing that comes to mind for many when thinking of food and sex is whipped cream. Whipped cream is a great addition to the bedroom because it is so convenient. It's easy to find, even your local 7-11 carries it. It's easy to use, just point the tip of the can where you want and spray it on. It's easy to clean up when you're done, whipped cream stays pretty much where you spray it, and you don't have to worry about spilling if you kick the can over in the throes of passion.

Similar in taste and application to whipped cream are honey and chocolate. Both are sweet and sticky, and can be dripped onto your most exciting places. Both tickle and tingle as they run down your lover's body, leaving a sweet trail to tasty delights. One worry with chocolate is that it can often be either too runny or too hard, with some chocolate syrups being almost watery in consistency and bar chocolate being, well, a bar of chocolate. Chocolate can be softened up for sex play in the microwave or with a double boiler, but be careful, nothing ruins the mood like scalded genitals. Test the temperature of your tasty treats on the inside of your elbow where your skin is sensitive enough to get a good temperature read. You can always heat it a little more or let it cool for a while if need be. Many sex play companies have solved this temperature problem with chocolate body paints. These sticky, sweet treats are great ways to indulge yourself and explore both your own and your lover's body. Paint words on your body for your lover to act out or just make yourself into dessert.

Other types of solid food can be used as well, including the tried-and-true strawberries, possibly with chocolate. Strawberries have been featured in every food play scene ever, dragged across lips and trailed down bodies. But what about all those other fun sexy foods? Step aside strawberries, welcome bedroom up-and-comers. We've all had Homer Simpson moments in our lives, staring into bakeries with lust. But what if you could you put your two favourite things together? Donuts and sex? Impossible you say? It is completely possible and awesome. Slip a donut around your penis and await the best blowjob of your life. The sugar acts as a glaze for both the donut and your penis, and will ensure that all attention will be given to you. Plus it makes you into dessert. Just be honest with yourself and don't try a Texas doughnut unless you're sure you can pull it off. Be sure to clean up after, however; Sugar is a great place for bacteria to grow, so do take care of your body and wash up after your fun food time.

For every awesome way you can think of using food, and every creative and wonderful concoction you make up, there are some things that you should never try out. Obviously, anaphylaxis is never sexy. And don't use spicy foods or peppers. If hot sauce makes your mouth burn and your eyes water, imagine what it can do to your more sensitive nether regions. Also, never insert food into your orifices. Particles can be left behind and grow obscene amounts of bacteria. Just because you saw tricks being performed with bananas on the internet doesn't mean it's a good idea for you to give it a try. If you insist on trying food insertion use a condom just like anything else you put inside you, and don't say you weren't warned of the consequences.

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