Academic Probation

The Comical Misadventures of Dapper & Diaper

Two Well Intentioned Bears

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BOOK: THE FIRST–How Dapper & Diaper, two bears, became separated from their mother, who was also a bear.

One day Dapper & Diaper, two bears of the ursine variety, found themselves upon one path. Dapper stood up and posed for any cameras that may have been meaning to take his picture, while Diaper sat on the ground grinding his diapered behind into the sensual gravel. Their mother—also a bear—who just so happened to be with them, was foraging for chimichangas in a nearby bush, which was in no way a bear. Dapper & Diaper paid little attention to this motherly behaviour, except for possibly allowing a small degree of anticipation for delicious chimichangas to enter their bear minds, until out of nowhere their mother, who I should note, was a bear, was shot some thirty-seven times in the snout.

The shots came from a gun, not a bear, and the gun was fired by a man. Some may have called the man a bear due to his beard and largely hairy disposition, but biologically speaking, it was doubtful he shared more than sixty-seven one-hundredths of his genes with the Common Bear, a rather curious bear as it turns out.

Dapper & Diaper galloped over to their fallen, bear mother. Diaper rubbed his diapered behind into his mother’s neck affectionately, while Dapper hovered nearby, carefully keeping his distance so as to not stain his rather sharp smoking jacket. After saying their pained goodbyes, Dapper & Diaper, who at this point were still largely bears, ate their chimachangas in a forlorn matter, before setting off into to the wide world, filled with bears and creatures of other persuasions, in search of adventure.
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Thus concludes the tale of how Dapper and Diaper, two bears, became separated from the mother, who was also a bear.

What strange adventures will Dapper & Diaper get up to next? Find out in Book: the Second of the misadventures of Dapper & Diaper, two well-intentioned bears, entitled Dapper & Diaper, two well-intentioned bears, come face-to-face with a morally ambiguous raccoon, who wasn’t a bear in more ways than three.

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