No one wins on a dry campus

By Lawrence Bailey

From a distance, it looks like a mob of 12-year-olds awaiting A.J.’s release from rehab. As one walks closer, the 12-year-olds start aging and the music heard beyond them isn’t that of a crappy top-40 boy band. Rather it’s the sweet, soothing rhythms of Sublime. Then it comes into view. Over the heads of the seething mass of university students, a sign reads "Den Bottle Shop." One can only stand with the rest and a long, fruitless wait begins.

This tale of a student deprived of a campus haunt is a frightening reality at the University of Calgary. We are a campus 25,000 strong yet we boast only one bar to call our own. In the words of immortal Johnny Bower, "What’s up with that?"

First off, let me say I am not here to lay blame. That won’t result in another campus hangout any time soon. This is more of a call to arms. I beg, plead and implore someone–be it administration, the Students’ Union or a concerned philanthropist–to address the ever-pressing issue of long campus bar lineups and a general lack of fun.

Were this an old folks home, we could set up a few more bridge tables and extend bingo by an hour. It’s not. This is a university. While education is first and foremost, drinking and drinking-related activities are significant secondary by-products.

Imagine you’re an 18-year-old, a week removed from Kenora, Ont., and just settling into Rez. Amidst a flurry of introductions to roommates and floormates alike, plans are made to go to the campus hangout and party it up. Back home this teen wouldn’t enjoy such luxuries, as Ontario’s drinking age is 19. But in Alberta, this isn’t a problem.

The dolled up and decked out crew make their pilgrimage across campus, excitement running high, ready to dance the night away. Are they greeted by cold drinks and good times upon arrival? No. Their high spirits and master plans are dashed when they see an ocean of like-minded individuals milling like cattle in front of the doors. All are on the outside looking in.

This is a sad state of affairs. It seems the prevailing belief is people can go elsewhere if a bar is full, and that it isn’t the responsibility of a university to provide alcohol and bars for the student body. This is a truism: the university is not obligated to do anything. However, an increase to overall campus debauchery and quality of student life would be a nice change of pace. In many ways this opinion is akin to a parent who clothes and feeds their child, but refuses to do more as that isn’t in the job description. This is the plea to altruism.

Alberta, as we well know, is a slave to the almighty buck. It seems to me that hundreds of students wanting to drink, dance and spend three or four nights a week is a great opportunity for extra revenue. They have money and they want to give it to someone in exchange for good times and tasty treats. As it stands they’re not spending this money, or else they’re spending it off campus. No one wants to see this continue.

Any organization or individual that wishes to pad their pockets needn’t look further than the slough of angry and sober students not spending their Thursdays or Fridays at the Den. This is the plea to capitalism.

So here we stand, a ton of demand and an appalling lack of supply. Everything I’ve ever been taught suggests this situation will right itself through market forces, but my patience is waning. I just figured I’d help it along.

Lawrence Bailey can be reached at serum114ca@yahoo.com.