Academic Probation
the Gauntlet

Scrapped city projects the Gauntlet is upset about

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City council approved an underpass beneath the airport's new runway at a cost of $295 million. To pay for construction, Calgary will tap funds designated for future projects. Below are some of those projects we'll now never see.

1. White hat ceremonies for gopher population

2. Leather upholstering of Saddle Dome exterior

3. Replacement of Olympic Ski Jump with world's longest Slip & Slide

4. South East transit corridor serviced by rickshaw

5. Papier-mache repairs for Calaway Park

6. New robotic body for the brain of Dale Hodges

7. Improved weaponry for Forest Lawn border guard

8. Completion of the Peace Bridge

9. Yarn clean-up for Kensington area

10. Production of collectible Nenshi ceramic plates

11. Free dental service to counteract effects of fluoride removal

12. Non-cancelled Jazz Fest

13. Stab-proof vests for Vinyl patrons

14. Calgary news blog featured pet increased to bi-weekly

15. More authentic Calgary Zoo dinosaur exhibit with licensing of Flintstones characters

16. Addition of period-authentic venereal diseases to Fort Calgary

17. Declaration of Ric McIver's moustache as city landmark

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