Sorry girls and boys of clubland, this CD won't make you juicy or beaty. Like so many other club hit albums that have come before it, Juicy Beats is unable to transfer the energy of the dance floor to the home stereo. After five tracks, the mix becomes monotonous and repetitive.

Some may hear Paul Simon's You're the One and be disappointed by its slightly languid manner.

But those truly devoted to Simon will not compare this album with his past ventures, such as the 10-year-old The Rhythm of the Saints.

The fact is, it's still Simon, just older and at a different stage in his life. He has reached a state of absolute calm and demonstrates his wisdom and experience through familiar storytelling techniques evident in the 11 tracks.

Do you think you could put your feelings about the University of Calgary into song? Fine arts profs William Jordan and Clem Martini did just that with their tune "Take Me There." Their efforts can be heard Oct. 20 at the Rooster Blues Band's You See Blues show at the Rosza Center (see page 15).

With four top-selling and critically acclaimed CDs, eight number-one singles and millions of fans. Collective Soul must be doing something right. So then, why are they changing their proven formula?

Every actor has a nightmare. For some it is mixing up lines, forgetting lines, or stage fright. Nickle and Dime Productions start their season with Christopher Durang's The Actor's Nightmare, which ends up as a nightmare for the main character, George Spelvin.

Toronto resident Andy Stochansky has had quite a career so far. Playing for renowned acts like The Indigo Girls, The Barenaked Ladies and, most importantly, indie-folk goddess Ani DiFranco, Andy has proven a talented and extremely capable percussionist. But that era of his life is now over, as he steps into uncharted water as the front man of his own solo career.

Regarding his association with DiFranco, Stochansky, who plays the Blue Banana Lounge Oct. 20, would rather be seen as an autonomous individual.

Bjork as a blind martyr? Machines doubling as musical instruments? Catherine Deneuve as a factory worker? All of these things seem impossible until Dancer in the Dark comes on the screen, giving you the cinematic equivalent of a slap in the face.

It's coming. Less than three short months from now Popstars will take over our night time viewing. I know I can hardly contain my excitement either.

For any of you who haven't seen the ad on Global, the premise behind the series is to document the formation of an all-female, Canadian singing group from auditions all the way to the brink of stardom. Beginning with about 3,000 girls, the numbers have now shrunk to the desired five. Now it's time to begin perfecting their image. Oh, and yes, record a single too.

Do someone a favour. Keep in mind that it has to be something that would really help the person and that they normally could not do it on their own. In return, that person must "pay it forward" and do the same for three other people.

The problem one would imagine would be to find boys whose voices had not yet changed. Who else could properly imitate an appropriately feminine voice? Someone had to act the roles women were not permitted to take.

So it was during the time of William Shakespeare, when plays were acted entirely by men. This is precisely what will happen in the drama department's newest venture, the upcoming play Love's Labour's Lost.