Humour

    
Publication YearIssue Date 
  Humour
November 01, 2012
  Scientists admit that science isn’t realPDF files may take a moment to load

A shocking announcement was made this weekend concerning the entire scientific field: science isn’t real. Apparently everything from
Galileo to Hawking is one big lie. The ancient Greeks started making up conjectures, but scientists have simply become better at making these conjectures sound legitimate. Copernicus thought he was pushing it with the whole ‘earth revolves around the sun’ thing, but that went over pretty well. Einstein knew science was a farce, so he just made up the most mind-blowing and unbelievable theories. 


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October 25, 2012
  Romney’s binders full of excusesPDF files may take a moment to load

Since the second presidential debate on Oct. 16, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney’s press service has been working tirelessly to douse the inferno sparked by the former governor’s “binders full of women” comment.


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October 11, 2012
  Freshmen confounded by universityPDF files may take a moment to load

Reports have reached the Gauntlet of certain first-year students being flabbergasted over what they are asked to do in university. There have been a small collection of freshmen gathering in MacHall where they just gossip with their friends and make social arrangements, but are oblivious to the mental strain awaiting them in class.


It started with orientation week.


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September 27, 2012
  Spending money for "fitness" proves beneficial to egoPDF files may take a moment to load

A group of fitness researchers in Vancouver, British Columbia believe they have uncovered the secret behind the new method of feeling fitter that is now all the rage. The controversial method, dubbed “Lululemon Retail Therapy” by those who remain more skeptical of the routine, has swept across North America like wildfire, proving to be especially popular among the 18–24 year old female demographic.

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April 09, 2014
  Student not sorry for the mass emailPDF files may take a moment to load

Late Sunday evening, third-year political science student Desmond Fleece sent a mass email to his fellow students asking for last week’s notes. Fleece made no mention of feeling bad for bothering his peers.

“I just didn’t feel all that bad about it,” Fleece said. “I had to get my wisdom teeth out that day. How hard is it to copy and paste notes?”

The unapologetic email generated a whirlwind of controversy, landing Fleece in hot water with university administration.

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April 09, 2014
  U of C offers new 2048 classPDF files may take a moment to load

Sick and tired of your friends beating your scores on 2048? One University of Calgary professor may have the solution.

Cecil Quigley recently introduced a new class to teach students how to enrich their 2048 experience and feel superior to their friends.

2048 is the latest smartphone app tearing its way through the university campus. The game is played by combining numbered blocks until you create a 2048 block, or break down in tears and try again.

Quigley started the course to help students finish the game and get back to reality.

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April 02, 2014
  Guy on train good at picking up social cuesPDF files may take a moment to load

Early yesterday morning, as you boarded the train to campus, you sat beside a young man engrossed in a book. The man was relatively good looking by conventional standards, with the exception of his Adidas track pants. “Must be laundry day,” you thought to yourself hopefully.

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March 26, 2014
  Top-10 replacements for Alison RedfordPDF files may take a moment to load

With Alison Redford’s resignation last week amidst numerous controversies and problems, the Alberta government is in a tumultuous position. While Dave Hancock has been sworn in as interim premier for the time being, an election for Progressive Conservative Party leadership will be held on Sept. 6. Until then, the Gauntlet has taken the time to break down the early frontrunners in the race.

1. The third Tim Hortons in MacHall

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March 19, 2014
  Obama drunk dials PutinPDF files may take a moment to load

Amidst what some are calling Cold War level tensions, President of the United States Barack Obama is reported to have drunk dialed President of the Russian Federation, Vladimir Putin.
Following a state dinner and a few nightcaps with vice-president Joe Biden, Obama left Putin an emotional and profanity-laced voicemail at 3:30 a.m. Eastern time.

In what experts are calling “a dick move,” Putin kept the voicemail and has been sharing it with the international community.

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March 12, 2014
  Love at first Facebook postPDF files may take a moment to load

Are you searching for love? Are you sick and tired of traditional dating services? Look no further than your Facebook newsfeed.

The popular Facebook page U of C Compliments has almost 8,000 likes and allows students to express their appreciation for friends and strangers.

Students say that they love U of C Compliments for the confidence boost it provides, but it seems that lately the page has been providing more than that.

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