Mutiny in the Senate

By Andrew Ross

The left may have finally succeeded in thwarting the good intentions of George W. Bush’s administration.

Turncoat Senator James Jeffords from Vermont, formerly of the Grand Old Party, is now sitting as an Independent and aligning himself with the Democrats. His departure does not come in time to block Dubya’s trillion-dollar tax cut, but it will still have some negative impacts.

The Arctic National Wildlife Refuge comes to mind. Thanks to Jeffords’ decision to jump ship, it seems highly unlikely that President Bush’s plan to drill for oil in the environmentally sensitive preserve will go ahead. While dozens of endangered species may benefit from this failed initiative, Americans might have saved as much as two cents per gallon on gasoline for several months.

The new Senate is also unlikely to pass the Missile Defence program. Granted, this may help avert the resurgence of the Cold War by safeguarding Mutual Assured Destruction, but "nuking them damn commies" will no longer be a viable option.

Another Bush proposition, the Office of Faith-Based Initiatives, could fall by the wayside in the face of Democratic opposition. Somehow those wacky liberals have got it in their heads that relying on religious groups to provide social services could lead to discrimination on religious grounds, even to violations of the right to freedom of religion. Doesn’t every town in America have a Hindu temple and a Buddhist shrine? The faith-based flop could mean that atheism will still be tolerated–and atheism, as we all know, is the gateway to communism and all manners of deviance.

Although the success of the massive tax cut means the wealthy will finally get some financial relief, all is not well in the Million-Dollar Club. The loss of the Senate means Republicans will probably not be able to go ahead with private investment of Social Security dollars, meaning there will be more than a few yachts going another season without being repainted.

The Democrats are even using the sort of language that would indicate they intend to force the United States to actually live up to it’s international obligations. Indeed, a Democratic Senate might not stop at abiding by the ABM treaty; they could go as far as paying their United Nations membership dues. Through it all, even the Democrats realize it would not be in America’s best interest to quit meddling in the internal affairs of foreign nations. The cavalier attitude held by the Pinko Party is clearly demonstrated by inflammatory statements such as "we need to be polite in our demeanor and sensible in our policies."

Damn you, James Jeffords.

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