Wrestling

By Kris Kotarski

It’s really easy to compare the University of Calgary Dinos Wrestling team to the Cleveland Indians from the 1989 classic movie Major League. Much like the tribe in this masterpiece of modern cinema, your 2001/02 Dinos are full of crazy characters and equally crazy story lines. For those (un)fortunate enough to have seen Major League, it’s a story about a bunch of goofs who make it bigtime in Major League Baseball, just as Hollywood would expect.

Take Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn as an example. In perhaps his best role ever, Charlie Sheen portrayed a crazed lunatic with a heart of gold. His double on the wrestling squad? Heavyweight Jeremy Rudeck. The difference is that Rudeck is a real-life person who will entertain wrestling fans for much longer than a mere two hour movie. Being a heavyweight, Rudeck is a little heftier than Sheen. Ask anyone though, he’s just as effective.

Jake Taylor, Tom Berenger’s version of the crafty veteran catcher, is doubled in Joe Loucks, a fifth-year Dinos veteran. Loucks is just the kind of guy who’d call his shot in Great Bambinoesque fashion, only to stun everyone and bunt his way aboard. Loucks even has the wobbly knees needed to fill the role. He will not be the best individual performer on the Dinos–that honour will belong to either Mike Stitt or David Kooperberg–but Loucks will be the glue that holds this team together.

And who could forget Willie Mays Hayes? Aside from Simon Phoenix in Demolition Man it is easily Wesley Snipes’ finest hour. The entire Dinos women’s squad hits like Mays and runs like Hayes. It is not uncommon for any female Dino to beat their opponent faster than it took the speedy Willie to get from first to second. Breanne Graham, Melissa Kindratsky, Erika Sharpe and Elise Comeau all dominate the mat much like Hayes would dominate the basepaths.

Then we have Pedro Cerrano. The crazed Cuban finds an easy double with Dino Hakan Kadir who’s pre-game tactics are just as zany as Cerrano’s voodoo. Much like Cerrano, Kadir will use his power to lead the Dinos to the promised land. Just don’t get in his way; as the Gauntlet reported last year, this Turkish brute has a taste for blood.

Last but not least, we have Lou Brown, the lovable and brilliant general manager. While Head Coach Mitch Ostberg and assistant Lee Vierling may not have Brown’s comedic value, they too will lead their team to glory.

Much like their Major League counterparts, the 2001/02 Dinos are poised for a great run. While the Indians never won the World Series (because you need a storyline for sequels) the male Dinos will certainly contend for the Canada West Conference crown and possibly for a national championship. The women will win it all again, continuing their domination of all things wrestling. It’ll be another great year in Dinoland–with entertainment and wins for all who care to watch.