By Donnie Mascarpiccarionaccelliore
Hey, how yous doin’? My name’s Donnie Mascarpiccarionaccelliore, and welcome to my new column about guys, gals, and the shit they put each other through. Today we’s gonna be talkin’ about the new school year.
Welcome froshies to the best damn university this side of Italia. We have everything you would ever want, all right here on campus. You wanna talk to someone? The su office will slap a smile on their faces, peel an ear and listen to anything yous have to say.
You wanna have a drink with a couple of buddies? We got the Den, a fine establishment that Donnie likes. You wanna get your rocks off? Well officially there isn’t anywhere that can be done, but Donnie welcomes creative stories!
Talk to Donnie
This is where you, the reader can get in contact with me, Donnie, so we can talk. This week’s ‘Ladies talk to Donnie’ letter comes from Katie, a froshy from somewheres Alberta.
"Donnie, I am having trouble with my man. All he does is look at other girls all day. Is there anything you can do for me?"
Well Katie, there’s nothing I can do for him. But you, a beautiful girl like you; I can help you out of anything… no matter how tight it is!
This week’s ‘Guys talk to Donnie’ letter comes from Vinnie, a Cowtown boy born and raised.
"Hey, Donnie I got a problem with a lady friend of mine. She’s always sayin’ I don’t spend enough time with her. I got two other girls on the side; I just don’t have time for this! What can I do?"
Vinni, what did your mama tell you about having more than one girl? She said you’re only going to get screwed!… AND HOW! You should have thought about the troubles of ladies when you got started with your little groupie.
The proper, manly thing to do is to let the girl off nicely, and fill her place with a girl who isn’t so nosy. God bless a man who still knows how to treat a good woman, it brings a tear to my eye.
If you wanna talk to Donnie, tell Donnie what’s what, or leave suggective pictures of yourself for Donnie to look at, yous can send your letters to ap@gauntlet.ucalgary.ca.