Supporting the unborn could support the economy

By Kyle Francis

As offended as everyone is at the pro-life displays recently seen on campus, something no one has asked is what would it be like if they were actually able to incite real social change regarding abortion legislation. If abortions became illegal tomorrow, there would be tremendous consequences. Women with unwanted pregnancies wouldn’t want their babies any more than they do now, so there would likely be an increase in the number of babies found in dumpsters, abused children and illegal abortions. After examining the facts, it can be seen that the pro-life camp isn’t a group of mentally unstable reactionaries, but rather, machiavellian capitalists. The economic stimulation provided from home abortions alone would be something akin to another great war.

Illegal abortions, despite being, well, illegal, are also quite dangerous. The number one cause of death post-illegal abortion is due to infection. Once people got wise to this, you would likely see an increase in the number of antibiotic courses bought over-the-counter from Mexican pharmaceutical supply houses for less than two dollars. Since these courses are perfectly legal in Mexican law, this upshot in sales will be a boon to the global market. You might also see an increase in the sales of pressure cookers that are able to keep water at 250-260 degrees for around 30 minutes, as this is the best way to sterilize home-use instruments.

The coat-hanger market may also see an spike, but those who can afford it will likely be purchasing uterine forceps and curettes, which are used (in that order) to carefully scrape the fetus from the uterine lining. Once these home abortions became the norm, sales of water-based lubricant like KY jelly will increase, as its use in tandem with the medical instruments can greatly reduce post-operative vaginal irritation.

Vacuum engineering and production will likely see an increase as well. While abortion may be illegal, a good capitalist market will respond to a niche, even if they aren’t allowed to advertise it openly. Invented in 1868, the first vacuum cleaner was horse drawn and powered by gasoline. While it would be problematic to perform an abortion in the back seat of an Astro van with one of these, it’s nearly as impractical to try it with a modern household vacuum. In the advent of this new legislation, vacuum cleaner companies would create entirely new vacuums, or new heads at the very least, to facilitate the removal of fetuses from the uterine wall, advertising it as ambiguously as possible (see figure 2.12).

Even soap, wet-nap and maxi-pad manufacturers would benefit, as all these items would be required after the fetus had been removed from the uterine lining with either the vacuum or curettage method to reduce the risk of infection and stem bleeding. Books on female anatomy would also be useful to aspiring home-abortionists so they could more efficiently locate the offending fetus, creating yet another niche market in a different economic sector.

Looked at from an objective distance, it’s possible to see the greater goal behind the pro-life camp’s Genocide Awareness campaign. It’s easy to get angry with them for being hateful propagandists, but once we take a step back and realize what the sweeping socio-political ramifications of their success could be, we see they ultimately just want what’s best for us all.

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