After trying to set up a phone interview for days, two email conversations with a public relations firm and a problem with cell phone reception, the Gauntlet finally managed to snag an email interview with the band opening for Aleixonfire. Yeah. Weak.

Anyway, Keith Buckley of Every Time I Die actually turned out to be a really solid guy with an interesting take on promotional journalism. Whatever. Just read it.

"This shouldn't happen on opening night," said a confused Ronnie Burkett as one of his marionettes malfunctioned on the first night of the Alberta Theatre Projects 34th season and his new play 10 Days on Earth.

If life in the 21st century were a fairy tale, things would be different. The heads of multi-national corporations would be evil witches with crooked noses rather than middle-aged white men; the trendy lofted apartments would be cottages with thatched roofs; and all the good guys would wear Modern Amusement.

The Dinos field hockey season got off to a disappointing, but not wholly unexpected, start Sept. 22-24 as they were defeated in their first three games against Canada West opposition.

Playing at the University of Calgary's Hawking Field, the Dinos lost 6-0 to the University of British Columbia Thunderbirds, 4-0 to the University of Alberta Pandas and 6-0 to the University of Victoria Vikes.

Overall UBC collected the most points with a 3-1 win over the U of A and a 1-1 tie with UVIC.

Aren't we working towards a world where inequality has been virtually abolished?

Perhaps instead of looking to help the third world, we should be examining the animal kingdom. In a recent clash between dinosaurs and pronghorns, the prehistoric beasts netted nine times their opponents' total earnings.

The 2006 rugby season for the men's A team started off with a bang--the banging of heads in an all-out brawl when the Dinos took on the Calgary Canucks Wed., Sept. 20. The game, a 12-10 loss for the Dinos, was a hard-fought match focusing on the power of the Canuck forwards and the speed of the Dinos backs.

The game was overly scrappy with many questionable plays observed mainly on the part of the Calgary Canucks.

The Dinos men's soccer team played its first home games earning a 4-3 victory against the University of Victoria Vikes Sat., Sept. 23 and a 1-1 draw against the University of British Columbia Thunderbirds Sun., Sept. 24.

It's the third week of classes and you've finally settled down for the year at U of C. With your schedule finalized, your fees paid and a yet another large stack of textbooks piled on your desk, you're ready to buckle down and learn something.

Dear Sexpert,

I am a 23-year-old female who has have never had an orgasm. I have been sexually active for a few years now and have had more than one partner. What can I do to get an orgasm?

Unlike its male cousin, the female orgasm is something that must be learned, making it all the more special. Each woman arrives at the climactic moment in a slightly different way but many women will agree that penetrative sex alone will not do the trick.

The physical human being--the collection of physical and chemical microsystems comprising the human body­--is an immensely complicated structure that we invariably benefit by studying. On one side of this innumerably-sided research-benefit coin lies the fulfillment of our curiosity about our existence in light of the particularly haunting truth that we need not necessarily fulfill it; on another is the sheer whimsy of a search for pattern and reason in such a large and disharmonic set of possible configurations.