So it all goes to shit

By Sarelle Azuelos

“I can’t wait to see you fail,” said bitter Gauntlet news editor Brent Constantin, aptly summarizing the general atmosphere in the Gauntlet office after the tier one election results were posted.

On Wednesday, Gauntlet volunteers gathered to vote in next year’s news editor and editor-in-chief election.

Amy Badry, the current news assistant, won the news race in a tight heat against no one. The entire student body was smart enough not to bother signing up for this absolutely terrible job.

Badry responded to Constantin’s overwhelming faith by spewing out some unintelligible Portuguese.

“Filha da puta!” she said as some cheap booze dripped down her chin.

Current editor-in-chief Sarelle Azuelos wasn’t much more optimistic about the EIC-elect Eric Mathison.

“We might as well burn the office down,” said Azuelos, the best worst EIC to ever grace the Gauntlet office, flexing. “I don’t think he can really spell his own name.”

Mathison seemed excited to take over and introduce a khaki-only dress code.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, but you guys are all talentless hacks,” he said unapologetically.