By Rob Granger
I have a confession to make.Every couple of weeks or so, a few of my male friends and I gather around in a tight circle, elbows almost touching, at our friend’s house (we’ll call him "Mongo"). Our special gatherings provide us with enormous pleasure. We giggle childishly. We slap each other with jocularity and tenderness.… Continue reading Meet Brother Harmonius Rain
By Rob Granger
People are always complaining about how hard it is to predict what the "next big thing" in rock music will be. Well, kiddies, I’ve finally cracked the Enigma Code. Allow me to explain.A couple of years ago, I held Eminem’s The Slim Shady EP in my hands. I couldn’t help but laugh at the crayon-written… Continue reading So you wanna be a rock star
By Rob Granger
Pull the plug.Don’t be so weak. Look at yourself, you’re pathetic. You sit there for hours on end with that faint glimmer of anticipation in your eyes, hoping that a miracle might happen, that something good will manifest itself.You’re wasting your time. Pull the plug and walk away. You’ve been here, day after day, eyes… Continue reading The waste of watching for a miracle
By Rob Granger
It’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon, but you’re still hung over from Thursday night at the Embassy (or at least we hope you are). You’re afraid to go anywhere without your bucket, clad in nothing but a shower curtain, so you stay in with your best friend: television, the window to a thousand parallel universes, all… Continue reading FOX Specials you may have missed because God loves you
By Valen Zha
In an orgy of drinking, celebration and congratulatory cheer, the Gauntlet staff consumed a record $970 worth of booze and nachos on its annual election night."You guys drank us $30 short of a thousand dollars," said incoming Editor-in-Chief Kris Kotarski. "What were you guys thinking and why was I sober?"For reasons unexplained, both Kotarski and… Continue reading FUBAR
Pubic lice, commonly known as crabs, were declared an endangered species last week. A 2003 study from the Australian Kirby Institute showed pubic lice as the most common sexually transmitted infection in Australia. Now, a mere 10 years later, the Kirby Institute has noted a dramatic decrease in the number of pubic lice infections. “This… Continue reading Pubic lice declared an endangered species
Picture this: it’s a hot summer day, and you’re hanging out in your backyard with a few friends. The sun is beating hard, so you and your buddies go down to the local convenience store for some refreshing treats and munchies.You walk into the store, fill up a cup with your favourite drink, and snatch… Continue reading I breathe, so tax me
By Dave Granger
On behalf of Academic Probation, I’d like to welcome you, our faithful reader, to the new millennium. If you thought that blessed event already occurred at the 1999/2000 junction, I urge you to flip to the TLF section, which is more your intellectual calibre. At any rate, as a special 2001 treat, I’m going to… Continue reading Celebrity New Year’s Resolutions
By Dave Granger
All right, budding alcoholics. It’s time for another interactive test, courtesy of Academic Probation. Simply track your answers to the following questions, tally ’em up and our standardized chart will determine your predisposition to hitting the bottle over and over again. So take those pens outta yer ears, dust ’em off and get circling! 1.… Continue reading Are you a boozehag?
The Gauntlet’s legal department (thanks, Paul; we’ll drop off your fuzzy little you-know-what after your wife goes you-know-where for some hot and spicy ugly-bumping) has been kind enough to liaise with a veteran member of the Calgary Civic Police Force. We present to you Constable Harry Cox, who we’ll accompany during the early portion of… Continue reading Cop Talk